I Should Step Out in Faith More Often

3 weeks in and everything is going all right.  Noah can do much more than I ever dream possible.  I remember waking up at 4 am on the first day of school and worrying about all of the details that Noah would have to remember that day.  Where his locker was, his locker combination, how to do his locker combination, where the lunch room is. I think I fretted about every last thing.  But the biggest concern was will he make any friends. 

He got in the car after that 1st day and said he had a good day.  He only got lost once, and he sat with some boys at lunch.  What a relief that was for me.  The next 3 weeks have had it's challenges and we are working with the school to deal with them.  Noah has a slower processing speed than the average student, so it takes him longer to do, well....., everything.  We had a meeting on Friday and got some modifications for homework.  This was a blessing because if an hour of homework was given, it would take Noah 3 hours to complete.  We also thought it would be best if his teachers all signed his agenda book at the end of the day.  That way his teachers could touch base with him to make sure he understood what the assignment is and when it is due. 

This has been a huge transition for Noah and I feel like I didn't prepare him for it.  In home school, he worked, on average, 4 hours a day.  Now he goes to school for 7 hours and usually works on homework for 3.  I realize now that I helped him too much in school.  I didn't want him to do poorly, so I would let him always redo the quizzes and tests that he didn't do so well.  The assistant principal had said that sometimes it's good for them to see a failing grade.  If Noah puts 5 minutes into studying for a test, he may not do so hot.  But if he spends 30 minutes, that might score him an A. 

He talks about other kids all the time and that amazes me.  He is interested in being a part of the social group.  He even went and stood in a group of boys at church yesterday.  He didn't do much talking, but just the fact that he joined the group is progress.  He got invited to a sleepover next weekend and he is so excited. Noah never gets invited anywhere.  I am so happy for him because this invitation has brought him much joy.  And it is a answer to much prayer.

Speaking of prayer, we got a huge answer this week.  We sent Noah to ECA on faith without a means to pay his tuition.  I have been looking for a job for a few months now and I hadn't heard from anyone.  The one interview that I did have, did not earn me a position.  I was trying to find a job within a school corporation so I could pick Noah up from school and be off when he is off.  I started to explore being a teacher's aide.  The qualifications for this job was an associates degree or paraprofessional certification.  I decided to take the test and I passed.  That was Tuesday.  That same day, I applied for an open position with Goshen Community Schools.  On Wednesday, the principal of Prairie View Elementary called and set up an interview for Thursday. 

The principal barely asked me any questions but the one thing he did ask, I didn't have a good answer. He asked me what experience I had with kids.  I had none except for being a homeschooling mom.  I thought there is no way he is going to hire me.  And just as I was thinking that, he offered me the position.  I was so shocked, I think my mouth was hanging open.  The one thing I do know, I didn't get that job, God gave me that job.  I should leave things to God more often, and be amazed by what He has in store.

A New Story

Wow!  So many things have changed since the last time I posted. This summer has gotten away from us.  In fact, Tuesday is the first day of school.  Noah will be attending Elkhart Christian Academy for 7th grade after being home schooled for the last 3 years.  I am happy, nervous, worried, overjoyed, pretty much every emotion fits me these days.

The original plan for 7th grade was for Noah to stay home and do Indiana Connections Academy, a virtual public school.  We wanted him to be able to go to ECA but couldn't financially work it out.  Then in mid June a job was posted with the Autism Society of Indiana.  It was for an ally position based out of the home to guide parents on their journey with autism.  The main responsibility was to help people find the resources that they needed and also educate society about autism.  I wend ahead and applied and low and behold, I got the job.  And it paid enough for Noah to go to school.  I was praising God for answered prayers. We enrolled Noah at ECA.

Well, I started the job and quickly realized that I was under qualified.  I wasn't given any training and I was overwhelmed.  I tried my best and I begged the Lord to see me through.  I was all consumed by this job and very depressed.  After much prayer, Alan and I decided that it wasn't for me and I resigned.  Great. Now what do we do? Do we withdraw Noah from school? No, that wasn't the answer. Noah needs to be around other kids.  Noah needs to learn how to live in a social environment.  We prayed and we decided that I would find another job. 

Last Monday, I had an interview with Mishawaka/Penn joint services.  They hire program assistants for both school corporations.  A program assistant is a teacher's aide and every child with a disability gets one.  My interview went well and there were 10 positions available.  I felt very confident that I would be hired.  On Thursday, I opened my mailbox and there was the letter.  The letter that anyone interviewing for a job doesn't was to receive.  My heart sank. 

"Lord, please tell us what to do." I prayed this over and over.  I asked Alan to pray and make a decision and fast.  School starts on Tuesday.  He decided that Noah would go to school.  I was talking to one of my pastors about our situation and he encouraged me with a story from his own life.  He said as soon as he and his wife stepped out on faith and had to rely only on God, that's when everything fell into place. For the 1st time in our lives, we are doing just that.  Right now, I am unemployed and we don't have the means to send Noah to school.  We are doing it anyway and waiting for God to work.

"May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all the nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you! Let the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you judge the peoples with equity and guide the nations upon the earth."  Psalm 67:1-4

God blesses for one reason, to bring glory to Himself.  And if He decides to bless me with employment or if He doesn't, all praise and glory to Him.

Sometimes I Forget Just How Lucky I Am

I really enjoy the new show on TV called "Secret Millionaire."  It is about these millionaires who seek out people and organizations that are making a difference in poor communities.  Every week, I am pretty certain that when it is revealed that the people will get a generous donation toward their cause, I will be weeping.  It gets me every time.  About three weeks ago, the show featured the couple that started Curves International.  They have an autistic grandchild and one of the organizations that they visited was a daycare center for autistic adults.

Now these men were severely autisic.  Most of them couldn't communicate very well and some not at all.  Seeing this made me feel so very guilty for feeling bad about our situation.  Noah seems perfectly fine compared to the men at this facility.  It really puts things in perspective when you realize that it could have been worse.  The center was given $250,000 to help keep it running.  Of course, the men didn't understand what was given to them.  One of the millionaires gave a man a pair of sunglasses because she had noticed previously that he had a sensitivity to light.  His reaction was priceless.  He was so thankful you would have thought that she had given him the world.  And to him, she did.

A family member recently made a comment that made me angry.  She said that Noah needs to start warming up to kids and he needs to make some friends.  Um......duh!  Almost like it is his fault that he doesn't have friends.  I guess I have to attribute that to lack of knowledge about autism.  Although by now, I would think she would get it.  April is autism awareness month so now is the time to explain it to her:)

Noah started guitar lessons this week thanks to my generous mother.  It will be good for his fine motor skills.  He took a year and a half of piano lessons a while back until he decided that piano was for girls.  (Noah is very specific about what is appropriate for each of the sexes)  When you ask my son what he is going to do when he grows up, he always answers with, "be in a band."  I guess guitar lessons are a must but we might want to have a back up plan.

Something I want to share with you from the last two weeks of my life.  Be thankful for everything the Lord gives you, good and bad.  It is so easy to be thankful for what we see as blessings.  And then to not be thankful for the rest.  Everything that God allows into your life has a purpose. And from my favorite song of the moment:


What if your blessings come through raindrops
what if your healing come through tears
what if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You're near
what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I'm Speechless

It's Sunday night and I am sitting here at my computer thinking about our awesome God.  Thinking about His blessings that I did not ask for nor deserve.  I am praising Him for what he did in Noah's life today. 

Alan took the kids to youth group and I stayed home for some me time.  With it being the beginning of spring break, we knew that church wouldn't be packed, but the kids always want to go.  Alan called me at 6:20 which I thought was odd because youth group goes from 6-7:15.  He told me that because there were few in attendance, they were having a game night.  Immediately, I got a pit in my stomach because I knew that Noah would have a hard time with that and probably would want to go home.  To my surprise, it was my social butterfly Baylee that wanted to go home but Noah wanted to stay. 

Noah had brought his new Nintendo 3DS to church with him.  Alan told me that he was going up to people and talking to them about his new gaming system.  Kids that weren't necessarily his friends.  Alan said he was even talking to a girl.  Yikes!  Let me explain something to you.  Noah NEVER EVER approaches anyone to have a conversation with them.  He doesn't even approach those who are in his group of friends.  He waits to be spoken to first and it's iffy if he will even respond.  So for him to go up to kids that he doesn't know really well and start talking to them, well that is a real breakthough that has brought me to tears.  I thank God for this victory.

I do thank each and everyone of you for reading my blog.  I am surprised at the interest in our crazy lives.  I am encouraged each and everyday by the comments and the feedback I get from you.  I used to feel very alone in this challenge that the Lord trusted me with but I am beginning to realize that I have a ton of people praying for Noah and for Alan and I as well. You must have been praying, otherwise my son would not have done what he did this evening. 

Two Days in a Row! I'm on a Roll!

Yesterday, my mother in law took Noah and Baylee to see the new installment of The Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Noah Loves the books and the movies as well.  The books are the only ones I don't have to force him to read.  And sometimes, I catch him reading this saga when he wasn't even asked to read.  A mother has got to love that.  DOAWK is about a 7th grader and the social drama that one goes through at school.  It amazes me that this interests him, but it does.  When they got home, he asked Baylee what her favorite part of the movie was.  Autistic children don't tend to ask questions that isn't about them directly, so this made me very happy. 

One of my favorite shows on TV is American Idol.  I love music and especially singing.  This season, there is a contestant that is on the autism spectrum.  He has asperger's syndrom which is the level above what Noah has been diagnosed.  He actually is my favorite but I think it may be because I have a soft spot in my heart for these people.  He is very talented and if he didn't tell the world that he had asperger's, I don't think I would have been able to tell.  Usually, I can spot someone on the spectrum a mile away. He is married and has a child.  This gives me tremendous hope.  I remember when Noah was first diagnosed, I read a very discouraging article about autism in a magazine.  I read that my son would never be able to hold a job, get married, or ever live independantly.  I think I have believed this prognosis just because of one author's opinion.  I do not know what the future holds for Noah, but with God's help, Alan and I will prepare him the best we can.

People with autism usually have heightened senses.  Hearing, touch, and taste are the ones that we deal with on a daily basis.  Noah does not like loud noises.  On one occasion, he nearly lost it when I accidently set off the smoke detectors in our home.  He is very sensitive with socks and shoes and really any clothes that don't feel quite right. 

Before we knew that he had autism, I just thought he was an extremely picky eater.  I couldn't get him to eat anything except for a few things.  I remember a few evenings I told him that he would sit at the table until he ate.  He stayed at the table for 3 hours before he was excused to bed.  His eating habits are not a battle that we fight anymore.  We talked to the pediatrician at Riley's and we were told as long as he is getting supplements and drinking milk, he would be fine.  He usually doesn't eat what we do for dinner but I now understand that his dislike for things isn't necessarily his fault.  He eats whole grains, milk, fruit, and proteins.  We need to work on getting some vegetables in ,but I think quite a few moms have that problem.   

Wow, I'm a Slacker

I haven't posted in quite some time.  I had writer's block for a while and lately, I just don't have enough hours in the day.  This morning the kids are still asleep and my man is at work so I thought I would update you all on the happenings in A Day in the Life of Autism. 

A big event is taking place tomorrow in the Hibshman household.  Nintendo is releasing their new hand held gaming system, the 3DS.  Noah has been counting down the days for at least the last 6 months.  He pre-ordered it last week and he will pick it up tomorrow.  He did wonder if he should play it, however, because tomorrow is the Lord's day and all.  He has been saving for this system for months.  He saved all of his birthday money and all of his allowance.  He even traded in his current hand held device because they gave him a $50 credit.  I think he is pretty proud that he is buying this himself, and I am proud too.  He doesn't have any money for games yet, but that will be the next thing for which he will save. 

In October of last year, Noah went to the doctor and he measured 5'.  We got out the tape measure the other day and he is now 5'6".  His voice has been getting lower by the day and if you look closely, you can see blond facial hair.  My 12 year old is becoming a man.  I'm not sure how I feel about this yet.  There are so many more things we need to teach him.  I feel like we are running out of time.

Speaking of teaching, last Monday was not a day I am proud of in my homeschooling adventure.  Noah's weakest subject is math and I am more than aware of that.  We were doing some problems that required him to use a skill that he learned a couple of months ago.  He couldn't remember how to do it and I really didn't handle it in the manner that I should have.  I got angry.  I realized that the reason for my anger(sin) was my pride(sin).  When Noah doesn't get something, I immediately turn it around on me and think that I am not doing my job as his teacher.  But instead of getting mad at myself, I get mad at him.  I was ashamed of myself and questioned my ability to homeschool.  The Lord used this situation to teach me how to love and encourage Noah.  I am not glad that it happened, but I am grateful that my Lord can use it to teach me. 

I am willing to homeschool Noah if that is the Lord's will for our family.  But I can only do it with His help.  I am not a teacher, not to mention a special education teacher.  Noah doesn't learn the way that most kids do.  He needs extra help.  But the problem I face is knowing how much extra help to give him.  My husband pointed out to me in the past that Noah is not the student that Baylee is.  It's okay if he doesn't get straight A's. 

We are praying that Noah may be able to go to Elkhart Christian Academy next year.  We have applied for financial aid and will need to depend on God for the rest.  But either way, whether he is in school or at home, with God's help, he will be fine.

Say What You Mean

People with autism are very literal thinkers.  If I tell Noah that he is the apple of my eye, he envisions himself as an apple.  If I tell him his math lesson is a piece of cake, he will ask me what flavor and when did I have time to bake.  We have to be very careful when we speak to Noah because he does take everything literally.

Before we knew that he had autism, I remember Noah and I coming home from the grocery store.  My hands were full and I asked Noah to hit the garage door opener for me as we went into the house.  The next thing I knew, he was beating the c.r.a.p. out of that opener.  When I asked him why he was doing that, he said I told him to hit it. 

Another time, I was fussing at Alan and told him to stop breathing down my neck.  Noah replies that it was impossible to do that unless he was inside my mouth.  I usually use many idioms in my speech and so if I am speaking to Noah or if he is within earshot, I find myself having to explain what it is that I mean. 

Alan and I are working with Noah on how he responds when asked to do something.  Sometimes he doesn't react the way we would like which I guess is typical for any preteen.  The other day when I was repremanding him for a bad attitude, he set me straight.  I have a tendency to over exaggerate, especially when I am angry.  I told him that he is rude to me everytime I ask him to do a chore.  And truth be told, he isn't.  He did tell me that it isn't everytime.  To Noah, everytime means everytime, never means never, and all means all.  You can't exaggerate with him one bit. 

We had a couple of lessons in language arts about idioms recently.  I was thinking that he would have a hard time with it.  Once he understood what certain things meant in this complex language of ours, he could apply that to his studies.  Now, I'm guessing he won't be using them when he speaks or writes, but it's a start.

This and That

One thing that goes along with autism is difficulty using fine motor skills.  Noah has a hard time with buttons, tying his shoes, and for a while his handwriting looked like a doctor's.  I remember sitting down with him a few months ago and I was going to teach him how to master those shoe strings.  After about an hour of frustration from the both of us, I decided the problem was his motor skills and he just wasn't ready.  I was told by Alan that he was playing Guitar Hero on the hard level and was doing quite well at it.  For those of you that don't know, Guitar Hero is a Wii game that requires intricate finger work as well as hand eye coordination.  I guess he has the ability to tie his shoes but may be too lazy to do it.  We will see about that!!

Noah doesn't like to hang out with the rest of us for the most part when we are having family time.  He ususally is in the basement or his bedroom when we are together in the living room.  The exception is Tuesday  and Friday nights.  On Friday, we watch this show called  "What Would You Do?"  The premise of this program is catching people on camera in situations where they had a chance to speak up for someone being mistreated.  The fact that he won't miss it just facinates me.  This show is so much about social interaction and what people should and would do in these situations.  This autistic child is interested in social matters. I am hopeful and pleased with this and I wouldn't be surprised if Noah one day sticks up for someone being wronged.

He also can't miss "The Biggest Loser".  He loves it as do the rest of us.  The down side to this is that he is terrified of gaining weight.  He is very concerned with portion sizes and making sure he gets enough exersize.  I guess it's not all bad.  Last year on the show, one of the contestants made the comment that all he ate for breakfast was coffee and pasteries.  One morning when Noah wasn't eating his usual Poptart, I asked him why.  He didn't want to tell me at first but I was able to coax it out of him.  He told me that Poptarts are a toaster pastery and he didn't want to get like that guy on  The Biggest Loser.  Oh brother.

He is Listening

Sorry it has been a while since my last post but I'd have to say we are in one of those valleys that the Bible talks about.  The good thing is that my Father God is right here with us and He will guide us through this situation.  I didn't really understand how it was possible to give thanks during trials but now I am beginning to get it.  I have never had to depend on God more in my life and I can sure be thankful that He is here, He provides, and He is my very best friend. 

On to Noah:)  I had been concerned about the way he had been answering me when I asked him a question or told him to do something.  His tone was a little on the rude side and I didn't think that was the proper way he should speak to his mother.  I talked to Alan about it and he said he would take care of it.  During our family devotion time last night, Alan addressed Noah about the way he had been talking to me.  Noah did not take responsibility for his actions and refused to admit he did anything wrong.  In fact, he blamed me.  Alan explained what we expected from him and what God expects from him.  I assummed it didn't have any effect on him since he didn't believe he did anything wrong. 

Now this morning, I had a very polite young man.  He didn't say anything to me about what had happened the previous day, but his attutude and tone had changed.  They say that autisic children can't empathise with other peoples feelings.  I can't speak for everyone, but that isn't necessarily true for Noah.  He knows when he hurts my feelings and He knows when I am not happy with his behavior.  He tries really hard to please me.  Now if autism causes someone to just be concerned with himself, Noah doesn't always fit the bill.  I think maybe that might be the Spirit of God slipping through the disability that plagues him.

As I watched Noah the other night at church, I once again began to feel sorry for myself.  They have care groups that consist of 10-12 boys that meet together.  Noah's care group was in the commons and all of the boys were being boys, goofing off and what not.  But not Noah.  He stood on the outskirts of the group but didn't engage.  You could tell he wanted to be a part of it but he could not or would not.  Sometimes I wish he didn't have autism.  But I will count my blessing that he is healthy, there are 2 people in our church family that are waiting for organ transplants. 

I don't think that God expects my husband and I to raise Noah by ourselves.  He expects us to lean on Him.  And lean on Him is what we are going to do. 

That Was a Waste of Money

Noah sure does some interesting things to pass the time.  Every day after school, he goes into our basement and does his ritual laps. These laps consist of him singing at the top of his lungs(usually getting the words of the song wrong), shaking a piece of a broken toy that makes a very irritating snapping sound, and walking around the perimeter of our lower level.  When I asked him why he does this, he said that he needed the exersise. He used to lap our kitchen table and when questioned about that, he returned that this helps him to think.  I sometimes wonder what is going on in that head of his.  I'm pretty sure most people would think his behavior quite odd.  But that's Noah, and we are very used to the peculiar things that he does on a daily basis.

Tonight he is going over to a friend's house.  They are going to hang out, not play.  According to Noah, 12 year olds don't play.  Friendships do not come easy to Noah.  He wants friends, he just doesn't know how to make them.  I thank God each and everyday for the 2 boys at church that try to include Noah in their activities.  I don't know where I would be without these boys and their parents who have encouraged them to befriend Noah.  I know he will never be mister popularity or even liked for that matter but I just pray that God would provide him with one or two good friends. 

It's heartbreaking for a mother to see her child struggle with peers.  Most of the time Noah thinks kids don't like him.  We try to explain to him that isn't true.  We try to encourage him to engage in the activities of the boys but we understand how very hard it is for him.  Noah always waits for someone to invite him in, and unfortunately in this age group, it doesn't always happen.  I know with prayer and practice, Noah will be able to develop some meaningful friendships.

I enrolled him in a social skills class for autistic children a while back.  After the first session I asked him if he had fun.  He replied, "Ahhhh.....NO!"  I asked him if he made any friends and to that he said," I don't need any."  When the class was complete, he got in the car and sincerely said, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but that class was a waste of money.  I didn't learn anything."  So we have some work to do yet on his social skills and friendship making ability. 

He Cannot Tell A Lie

After living in our current home for 9 years, we have put it on the market For Sale By Owner.  Bittersweet really, because we had it built and it was my dream home.  Just goes to show you not to get attached to the world or the stuff in it.  This is only a temporary dwelling place.  My home is with my Father in Heaven. 

With that being said, Noah does not like change in any way, shape, or form.  Everything in his world is the same.  What he eats, what he wears, the order in how he does, well......everything.  A change can really throw Noah into a tizzy so I try my best to keep everything very structured for him. 

I can appreciate how God honors child like faith.  Children don't have doubts, children don't overthink things, children believe that their prayers will be heard and answered.  With this in mind, I asked Noah to pray about the sale of our home.  In today's market, only God himself can sell a house.  Noah told me point blank that he will pray that our house doesn't sell.  He doesn't want to move.  He likes our current home.  I tried to explain that this is the best for our family in our present financial situation but I don't think Noah is buying it.

We have found a home that we would like to buy.  It is an older home but very well maintained.  It has an extra bedroom so that we could begin to pray about foster parenting, something that has been on my heart for a while.  We went to see it again the other night and the realtor asked how we liked it.  Alan, Baylee and I were all pleased with what we saw.  But Noah sat on the couch and stated his dislike of the home to the realtor.  I explained to her that he doesn't like change.

Noah also really can't lie.  Now most of you would think that would be a mother's dream.  The only time that I have difficulty is when the truth hurts someones feelings.  I am not condoning lying in any way but if you don't want to hear the truth about maybe, say your weight, please don't ask my son.

The reason that he doesn't lie is because it is against the rules to lie.  Noah is a rule follower.  No if's ands, or buts.  If there is a rule about something, he is going to follow it.  For Christmas,we got him this magnetic ball that he had wanted.  I noticed that a week went by and he hadn't picked it up.  When I asked him about it, he said the appropriate age was 12 and up.  He would be turning 12 in about a week so he would just assume wait.

We were at The Outback Steakhouse a while back and Noah wouldn't order off of the kids menu because it said 10 and under and he was 11.  Now Noah has a very limited diet and I knew that he didn't like anything on the regular menu.  I told him it was ok to order off of the kids menu.  He actually started crying and told us that if he did so that we would be kicked out of the restaurant.  I got the waitress to give him the ok and then he was able to order the chicken strips he desired.  I guess she has higher authority than me as far as The Outback is concerned. 

Doesn't this look like Texas

When a person has autism, his brain isn't wired the same as someone who doesn't have it.  The part that controls the function of  social ability is lacking while other parts are extraordinary.  Noah has an unbelievable memory.  When he was younger, he would study calendars and dates.  You could ask him what day of the week March 23rd, 1995 was on and in a few seconds, he could tell you.  8 times out of 10 he would be correct with whatever date we would give him.  Anytime I need to remember something, especially a date, I ask Noah because that part of his brain goes above and beyond. 

People with autism also usually fixate on one thing that they are interested in and they learn everything there is to know about that subject.  A while back, he was very interested in information on television programming.  He would memorize the information from the on-screen guide on the TV.  He would know when a program was on, what channel, the rating, the title of the individual episode, and the date it premiered.

Now his thing is everything gaming.  He does hours of research on game systems, games, peoples reviews of games, everything.  If he would study his history lesson the way he studies video games, I would be one happy lady. 

When we are talking as a family, Noah does participate in the conversation although usually not on topic.  We were dicussing a book that Alan, Baylee and I had read and we were talking how God is impacted by our prayers.  Noah chimes in with something about a game review he read.  So he is trying to take part. 

Something funny from yesterday:  Noah was on the computer doing his endless research on the latest gaming issues and Alan and I were watching the Bears game.  The computer is in a different room than the TV.  I asked Alan what was the average age of an NFL player.  About 5 minutes later, Noah yells from another room 28.  We didn't know what he was talking about so we asked and he said that was the average age.  He googled it for me:) 

My dear friend had made him a giant cookie for his birthday.  As he was eating the last of it he came running in the living room and said, "Doesn't this look like Texas?"  We agreed that it did.  Then he asks, "Well should I eat it?"  Silly Noah

Noah and the Elderly Gentleman

Last night was ECA's homecoming and the place was absolutely packed.  Every seat in the house was taken.  Baylee, a cheerleader, had a big halftime dance to perform and I was anxiously awaiting seeing her being tossed up in the air and caught.  So here we are, sitting in the bleachers, and Alan was between Noah and I.  Noah had his IPOD touch with him so he could keep himself occupied for the 4 hours we were there. 
I noticed an elderly gentleman, probably somebody's grandpa, take the seat next to Noah.  Right next to Noah.  I didn't really pay much attention to what was going on because the game was pretty exciting and I was watching Baylee as well.  When I glanced over a few minutes later, this man was trying to talk to Noah and he had his hand on Noah's leg.  Alarm's went off because I knew that Noah was very uncomfortable with this senario.  His body was contorted in my direction as if that man was like scalding water. 
Noah can't say hello to someone he doesn't know, much less strike up a conversation with them.  Autism is a social disorder.  And I don't even want to talk about touch.  Noah needs his personal space.  There are a few people that he will let hug him and and that includes us and other family members.  I'm pretty sure that Noah was about ready to lose it when his leg was invaded. 
I was thinking to myself that this man probably thought that Noah was being rude.  I contemplated explaining the situation to him but with the noise level in the gym, I didn't bother.  I can't always explain to others why Noah is the way he is.  I do, however, need to teach my son to respond to people the best he can.
I do want to say this.  Noah isn't shy.  Anyone who knows him gets that.  And it does drive me insane when people try to talk to him and he doesn't respond in the manner they think he should, we get,"Aww, he's shy."  No, he has autism.  He doesn't do it on purpose.  To say hello to someone and to actually look them in the eye while doing so is actually torture for him.  He want's to engage in conversation, he just has to get over that initial fear.
We are taking baby steps in Noah's conversation skills.  We might make a goal for him to say hello when someone says hello.  Sometimes we ask him to say hello first.  This will be a lifelong struggle for him but I have all the confidence in my God that Noah will prevail.

How We Knew

Noah was born on January 11, 1999.  He completed our family.  Two parents, a girl and now our boy.  We couldn't have been happier.  Noah cried so much as a baby.  I could do nothing to console him.  He would cry for hours on end. The pediatritian said he had colic.  The first couple of months were tough.  Crying for no apparent reason is a sign of autism but of course back then I didn't know that. 

Now when Baylee was 18 months, we could have a full blown conversation with her.  So when Noah wasn't really talking by 2, I brought my concerns to the doctor. We were told that since he had an older sibling, she was talking for him and he had no need to speak.  We were told not to worry so we didn't worry. 

At 4, Noah still was not speaking like I thought he should have been.  I came across an article on autism and I really thought that Noah fit the description.  Alan didn't agree so we didn't pursue it any further.  We started Noah in preschool and at the first conference they said that he was really withdrawn and didn't play with the other children.  They also thought that something was wrong with his hearing because he didn't respond much of the time.  We took him to the doctor and his hearing was perfectly fine.  I was able to get my dream job that fall, stay at home mom.  We ended up taking him out of preschool and I got to spend that year with him.

He went to kindergarten the next fall and everything seemed good.  The teacher just would say that he was very shy.  First grade seemed good too until the end of the year.  His teacher called me with concerns because he wasn't doing as well academically as he had been.  She also said that he seemed to be obsessive/compulsive.  So that summer we took him back to the doctor and she suggested Asberger's syndrome.  I had never heard of it in my life.  When I got home to research it, I was not happy with what I found.  The doctor referred us to a specialist but we couldn't get in for quite some time. 

We decided to have him tested through our school system.  So from September of his 2nd grade year to December, they did a battery of tests with many professionals.  They sat us down and gave us the diagnosis of PDD-NOS or Pervasive Developmental Delay-Not Otherwise Specified.  It was on the autism spectum in between Asbergers and autism.  I was actually relieved to get a diagnosis and be able to get him the help that he needed.  2nd grade went really well and he had a terrific teacher who followed his IEP.

3rd grade was a different story.  The teacher didn't follow the IEP stating that is was only a guide and that she didn't have the time to give him individual attention.  So through much prayer, we withdrew him from school and I have homeschooled ever since.  Not the easiest thing I have ever done, but worth every minute.

The summer between 3rd and 4th grade, we took him to Riley's Childrens Hospital in Indianapolis to get a second opinion.  Again many different professionals worked with him.  When we were waiting for the results, I kept praying that maybe the school system was wrong and that Noah was just like any other kid.  They came back and said that Noah had high functioning autism.  My heart really did sink.

Sometimes I wonder why God gave me this responsibility to raise this special child ,when truth be told, I stink at it.  But with His help, I know I can do it. 

Here We Go

So, I'm new at this so bear with me.  I thought I would start a blog on a day in the life of autism.  Our life is never dull, and each day brings a new situation.  I thought maybe this would help anyone who doesn't really understand autism.  Some days I may post something funny that happened and some days I may vent my frustrations.  One thing I know for sure is that God allowed this into our lives for a very specific purpose.  It may have been to show me the true meaning of unconditional love.  Days that I am at my breaking point, I talk to God and I know that He didn't decide to allow Noah to have autism just to make his life harder.  He didn't allow Noah to have autism to make my life harder.  He allowed it for His glory. 

I can just see us in heaven with our Savior, and Noah will be able to look Him in the eye to thank Him for what He has done.  I also can see on the new Heaven and Earth, Noah being able to talk to everybody without fear of being rejected.  I long for that day.