A New Kid

This was a very exciting week in the Hibshman household.  After a very discouraging week prior, God blessed us with a step forward for Noah.  I think God must have known that I couldn't take much more.  Lately, I have been close to my breaking point but He keeps me going by His strength.  I need to remember that even though I feel alone in this struggle, He is ALWAYS there with me and He will keep me from drowning.

Noah has been asking us if he can play basketball next year at school.  I have kind of been dodging the question because I really didn't think that he could.  Noah is very tall; he is 13 and already 5'9" and I think he is still growing. And it's not that I don't think he has some of the skills needed to play.  When he shoots, it usually goes in.  It's the fact that you have to be aggressive and close to other boys. 

He played Upwards a while back and sometimes it was painful to watch.  He had such a hard time engaging with the other players. There would always be a group of 9 playing and then there would be Noah a few feet away.  I think he wanted to be in there to participate but it was too hard for him. So when he asked to play at school, flashbacks of Upwards came to mind.  I tried to encourage cross country and track because I thought running away from people would be right up his alley.  He wasn't buying it. 

My mother-in-law bought him a basketball hoop for our house and he is out there everyday playing.  I am pleased because most of his free time is spent playing video games. I am very glad to see him outside in the fresh air.  He told me the other day that they would be offering open gym a couple days a week for people interested in playing basketball. I wanted to say no because I thought it would be another disappointing experience for him.  So I talked to Alan and he said to let him try it.

So Thursday morning was the first open gym. Noah was so excited. I pulled up to the school and as far as he could see, there were only high school boys. I didn't think he would go in because he didn't see any middle school boys but he hopped out of the car and went right in. I sat in my car for a minute and cried because of all the emotion welling up inside of me.  This was such a big step for him and I was so thankful to God for helping him.  All day I was wondering how it went.  I wondered if he participated or just stood to the side. Of course, in my mind, it was the latter.

I was nervous when I picked him up for school.  I knew this would either make him or break him.  He got in the car and couldn't stop talking about it and how much fun he had.  He was telling me how aggressively he was guarding his friend and how people were helping him in his game. All afternoon and evening Noah was a different kid.  He was in a good mood.  He couldn't stop talking about his day.  It seems as if he just wanted to be a part of something.  I am so thankful to those boys at ECA who included him.  I am thankful to God for using those boys to make my boy feel like one of the guys.

Friends, I humbly ask you to keep praying for Noah.  And me as well. This journey is the hardest thing I will ever do. I need your prayers because I can't do it on my own strength.  Thanks for reading and praying!

Does It Ever Get Any Easier?

I know it has been forever since I have posted but I guess time is a hot commodity now that I am a working mama.  Since it is autism awareness month, and I have had the week off, I thought I would get my write on:)

Yesterday Noah participated in a research program at Notre Dame for children with autism.  When I asked him if he was interested, he immediately said no.  When I told him that they would pay him $45, he said he would reconsider.  We both had many questionnaires to fill out.  After that, they let me watch and listen to Noah and the researcher interact.  He was unaware that I was watching, although I did tell him later.

When Noah talks to us, he uses eye contact, he asks questions, and the conversation is absolutely as you would expect it to be.  When he was with this adult that he didn't know, it was heartbreaking to watch.  He couldn't lift his head up to even glance in her direction.  It was almost as if it was painful to him to look her way.  They only time he would say anything is if he was asked a direct question and even then he would speak at such a low tone you could barely understand him. She was trying to engage him in back and forth conversation to no avail.  She would say something like, "Something really funny happened to me last night."  She would then pause to see if he would ask.  But he never did. 

The whole experience was eye opening and discouraging for me.  I don't get to see him interact with people very often so it was painful to watch.  She asked him about his friends and he said that he didn't have any.  I had to hold back the tears for that one because there was another researcher watching with me.  Can you imagine if your 13 year old child really believed he didn't have any friends?  She kept asking questions and got him to name a couple people at school that he thought of as his friends.  Then she asked him if he wanted to get married when he got older.  He shook his head with a resounding yes. She asked him why and he said so that he could have a family.  As you might have guessed, I lost it at that point. 

I definitely do not know what the future holds for my son.  Sometimes I try not to think about it.  But one thing I do know beyond a shadow of a doubt, I serve a big God.  God has plans for Noah.  And Noah might surprise us all.  I decided a couple weeks back to commit to praying that he would get married and have a family.  I know it's a little early but it's helps me to cope.  Please join me in praying for Noah!