I Should Step Out in Faith More Often

3 weeks in and everything is going all right.  Noah can do much more than I ever dream possible.  I remember waking up at 4 am on the first day of school and worrying about all of the details that Noah would have to remember that day.  Where his locker was, his locker combination, how to do his locker combination, where the lunch room is. I think I fretted about every last thing.  But the biggest concern was will he make any friends. 

He got in the car after that 1st day and said he had a good day.  He only got lost once, and he sat with some boys at lunch.  What a relief that was for me.  The next 3 weeks have had it's challenges and we are working with the school to deal with them.  Noah has a slower processing speed than the average student, so it takes him longer to do, well....., everything.  We had a meeting on Friday and got some modifications for homework.  This was a blessing because if an hour of homework was given, it would take Noah 3 hours to complete.  We also thought it would be best if his teachers all signed his agenda book at the end of the day.  That way his teachers could touch base with him to make sure he understood what the assignment is and when it is due. 

This has been a huge transition for Noah and I feel like I didn't prepare him for it.  In home school, he worked, on average, 4 hours a day.  Now he goes to school for 7 hours and usually works on homework for 3.  I realize now that I helped him too much in school.  I didn't want him to do poorly, so I would let him always redo the quizzes and tests that he didn't do so well.  The assistant principal had said that sometimes it's good for them to see a failing grade.  If Noah puts 5 minutes into studying for a test, he may not do so hot.  But if he spends 30 minutes, that might score him an A. 

He talks about other kids all the time and that amazes me.  He is interested in being a part of the social group.  He even went and stood in a group of boys at church yesterday.  He didn't do much talking, but just the fact that he joined the group is progress.  He got invited to a sleepover next weekend and he is so excited. Noah never gets invited anywhere.  I am so happy for him because this invitation has brought him much joy.  And it is a answer to much prayer.

Speaking of prayer, we got a huge answer this week.  We sent Noah to ECA on faith without a means to pay his tuition.  I have been looking for a job for a few months now and I hadn't heard from anyone.  The one interview that I did have, did not earn me a position.  I was trying to find a job within a school corporation so I could pick Noah up from school and be off when he is off.  I started to explore being a teacher's aide.  The qualifications for this job was an associates degree or paraprofessional certification.  I decided to take the test and I passed.  That was Tuesday.  That same day, I applied for an open position with Goshen Community Schools.  On Wednesday, the principal of Prairie View Elementary called and set up an interview for Thursday. 

The principal barely asked me any questions but the one thing he did ask, I didn't have a good answer. He asked me what experience I had with kids.  I had none except for being a homeschooling mom.  I thought there is no way he is going to hire me.  And just as I was thinking that, he offered me the position.  I was so shocked, I think my mouth was hanging open.  The one thing I do know, I didn't get that job, God gave me that job.  I should leave things to God more often, and be amazed by what He has in store.

A New Story

Wow!  So many things have changed since the last time I posted. This summer has gotten away from us.  In fact, Tuesday is the first day of school.  Noah will be attending Elkhart Christian Academy for 7th grade after being home schooled for the last 3 years.  I am happy, nervous, worried, overjoyed, pretty much every emotion fits me these days.

The original plan for 7th grade was for Noah to stay home and do Indiana Connections Academy, a virtual public school.  We wanted him to be able to go to ECA but couldn't financially work it out.  Then in mid June a job was posted with the Autism Society of Indiana.  It was for an ally position based out of the home to guide parents on their journey with autism.  The main responsibility was to help people find the resources that they needed and also educate society about autism.  I wend ahead and applied and low and behold, I got the job.  And it paid enough for Noah to go to school.  I was praising God for answered prayers. We enrolled Noah at ECA.

Well, I started the job and quickly realized that I was under qualified.  I wasn't given any training and I was overwhelmed.  I tried my best and I begged the Lord to see me through.  I was all consumed by this job and very depressed.  After much prayer, Alan and I decided that it wasn't for me and I resigned.  Great. Now what do we do? Do we withdraw Noah from school? No, that wasn't the answer. Noah needs to be around other kids.  Noah needs to learn how to live in a social environment.  We prayed and we decided that I would find another job. 

Last Monday, I had an interview with Mishawaka/Penn joint services.  They hire program assistants for both school corporations.  A program assistant is a teacher's aide and every child with a disability gets one.  My interview went well and there were 10 positions available.  I felt very confident that I would be hired.  On Thursday, I opened my mailbox and there was the letter.  The letter that anyone interviewing for a job doesn't was to receive.  My heart sank. 

"Lord, please tell us what to do." I prayed this over and over.  I asked Alan to pray and make a decision and fast.  School starts on Tuesday.  He decided that Noah would go to school.  I was talking to one of my pastors about our situation and he encouraged me with a story from his own life.  He said as soon as he and his wife stepped out on faith and had to rely only on God, that's when everything fell into place. For the 1st time in our lives, we are doing just that.  Right now, I am unemployed and we don't have the means to send Noah to school.  We are doing it anyway and waiting for God to work.

"May God be gracious to us and bless us and make his face to shine upon us, that your way may be known on earth, your saving power among all the nations. Let the peoples praise you, O God; let all the peoples praise you! Let the nations be glad and sing for joy, for you judge the peoples with equity and guide the nations upon the earth."  Psalm 67:1-4

God blesses for one reason, to bring glory to Himself.  And if He decides to bless me with employment or if He doesn't, all praise and glory to Him.

Sometimes I Forget Just How Lucky I Am

I really enjoy the new show on TV called "Secret Millionaire."  It is about these millionaires who seek out people and organizations that are making a difference in poor communities.  Every week, I am pretty certain that when it is revealed that the people will get a generous donation toward their cause, I will be weeping.  It gets me every time.  About three weeks ago, the show featured the couple that started Curves International.  They have an autistic grandchild and one of the organizations that they visited was a daycare center for autistic adults.

Now these men were severely autisic.  Most of them couldn't communicate very well and some not at all.  Seeing this made me feel so very guilty for feeling bad about our situation.  Noah seems perfectly fine compared to the men at this facility.  It really puts things in perspective when you realize that it could have been worse.  The center was given $250,000 to help keep it running.  Of course, the men didn't understand what was given to them.  One of the millionaires gave a man a pair of sunglasses because she had noticed previously that he had a sensitivity to light.  His reaction was priceless.  He was so thankful you would have thought that she had given him the world.  And to him, she did.

A family member recently made a comment that made me angry.  She said that Noah needs to start warming up to kids and he needs to make some friends.  Um......duh!  Almost like it is his fault that he doesn't have friends.  I guess I have to attribute that to lack of knowledge about autism.  Although by now, I would think she would get it.  April is autism awareness month so now is the time to explain it to her:)

Noah started guitar lessons this week thanks to my generous mother.  It will be good for his fine motor skills.  He took a year and a half of piano lessons a while back until he decided that piano was for girls.  (Noah is very specific about what is appropriate for each of the sexes)  When you ask my son what he is going to do when he grows up, he always answers with, "be in a band."  I guess guitar lessons are a must but we might want to have a back up plan.

Something I want to share with you from the last two weeks of my life.  Be thankful for everything the Lord gives you, good and bad.  It is so easy to be thankful for what we see as blessings.  And then to not be thankful for the rest.  Everything that God allows into your life has a purpose. And from my favorite song of the moment:


What if your blessings come through raindrops
what if your healing come through tears
what if a thousand sleepless nights
are what it takes to know You're near
what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

I'm Speechless

It's Sunday night and I am sitting here at my computer thinking about our awesome God.  Thinking about His blessings that I did not ask for nor deserve.  I am praising Him for what he did in Noah's life today. 

Alan took the kids to youth group and I stayed home for some me time.  With it being the beginning of spring break, we knew that church wouldn't be packed, but the kids always want to go.  Alan called me at 6:20 which I thought was odd because youth group goes from 6-7:15.  He told me that because there were few in attendance, they were having a game night.  Immediately, I got a pit in my stomach because I knew that Noah would have a hard time with that and probably would want to go home.  To my surprise, it was my social butterfly Baylee that wanted to go home but Noah wanted to stay. 

Noah had brought his new Nintendo 3DS to church with him.  Alan told me that he was going up to people and talking to them about his new gaming system.  Kids that weren't necessarily his friends.  Alan said he was even talking to a girl.  Yikes!  Let me explain something to you.  Noah NEVER EVER approaches anyone to have a conversation with them.  He doesn't even approach those who are in his group of friends.  He waits to be spoken to first and it's iffy if he will even respond.  So for him to go up to kids that he doesn't know really well and start talking to them, well that is a real breakthough that has brought me to tears.  I thank God for this victory.

I do thank each and everyone of you for reading my blog.  I am surprised at the interest in our crazy lives.  I am encouraged each and everyday by the comments and the feedback I get from you.  I used to feel very alone in this challenge that the Lord trusted me with but I am beginning to realize that I have a ton of people praying for Noah and for Alan and I as well. You must have been praying, otherwise my son would not have done what he did this evening. 

Two Days in a Row! I'm on a Roll!

Yesterday, my mother in law took Noah and Baylee to see the new installment of The Diary of a Wimpy Kid.  Noah Loves the books and the movies as well.  The books are the only ones I don't have to force him to read.  And sometimes, I catch him reading this saga when he wasn't even asked to read.  A mother has got to love that.  DOAWK is about a 7th grader and the social drama that one goes through at school.  It amazes me that this interests him, but it does.  When they got home, he asked Baylee what her favorite part of the movie was.  Autistic children don't tend to ask questions that isn't about them directly, so this made me very happy. 

One of my favorite shows on TV is American Idol.  I love music and especially singing.  This season, there is a contestant that is on the autism spectrum.  He has asperger's syndrom which is the level above what Noah has been diagnosed.  He actually is my favorite but I think it may be because I have a soft spot in my heart for these people.  He is very talented and if he didn't tell the world that he had asperger's, I don't think I would have been able to tell.  Usually, I can spot someone on the spectrum a mile away. He is married and has a child.  This gives me tremendous hope.  I remember when Noah was first diagnosed, I read a very discouraging article about autism in a magazine.  I read that my son would never be able to hold a job, get married, or ever live independantly.  I think I have believed this prognosis just because of one author's opinion.  I do not know what the future holds for Noah, but with God's help, Alan and I will prepare him the best we can.

People with autism usually have heightened senses.  Hearing, touch, and taste are the ones that we deal with on a daily basis.  Noah does not like loud noises.  On one occasion, he nearly lost it when I accidently set off the smoke detectors in our home.  He is very sensitive with socks and shoes and really any clothes that don't feel quite right. 

Before we knew that he had autism, I just thought he was an extremely picky eater.  I couldn't get him to eat anything except for a few things.  I remember a few evenings I told him that he would sit at the table until he ate.  He stayed at the table for 3 hours before he was excused to bed.  His eating habits are not a battle that we fight anymore.  We talked to the pediatrician at Riley's and we were told as long as he is getting supplements and drinking milk, he would be fine.  He usually doesn't eat what we do for dinner but I now understand that his dislike for things isn't necessarily his fault.  He eats whole grains, milk, fruit, and proteins.  We need to work on getting some vegetables in ,but I think quite a few moms have that problem.   

Wow, I'm a Slacker

I haven't posted in quite some time.  I had writer's block for a while and lately, I just don't have enough hours in the day.  This morning the kids are still asleep and my man is at work so I thought I would update you all on the happenings in A Day in the Life of Autism. 

A big event is taking place tomorrow in the Hibshman household.  Nintendo is releasing their new hand held gaming system, the 3DS.  Noah has been counting down the days for at least the last 6 months.  He pre-ordered it last week and he will pick it up tomorrow.  He did wonder if he should play it, however, because tomorrow is the Lord's day and all.  He has been saving for this system for months.  He saved all of his birthday money and all of his allowance.  He even traded in his current hand held device because they gave him a $50 credit.  I think he is pretty proud that he is buying this himself, and I am proud too.  He doesn't have any money for games yet, but that will be the next thing for which he will save. 

In October of last year, Noah went to the doctor and he measured 5'.  We got out the tape measure the other day and he is now 5'6".  His voice has been getting lower by the day and if you look closely, you can see blond facial hair.  My 12 year old is becoming a man.  I'm not sure how I feel about this yet.  There are so many more things we need to teach him.  I feel like we are running out of time.

Speaking of teaching, last Monday was not a day I am proud of in my homeschooling adventure.  Noah's weakest subject is math and I am more than aware of that.  We were doing some problems that required him to use a skill that he learned a couple of months ago.  He couldn't remember how to do it and I really didn't handle it in the manner that I should have.  I got angry.  I realized that the reason for my anger(sin) was my pride(sin).  When Noah doesn't get something, I immediately turn it around on me and think that I am not doing my job as his teacher.  But instead of getting mad at myself, I get mad at him.  I was ashamed of myself and questioned my ability to homeschool.  The Lord used this situation to teach me how to love and encourage Noah.  I am not glad that it happened, but I am grateful that my Lord can use it to teach me. 

I am willing to homeschool Noah if that is the Lord's will for our family.  But I can only do it with His help.  I am not a teacher, not to mention a special education teacher.  Noah doesn't learn the way that most kids do.  He needs extra help.  But the problem I face is knowing how much extra help to give him.  My husband pointed out to me in the past that Noah is not the student that Baylee is.  It's okay if he doesn't get straight A's. 

We are praying that Noah may be able to go to Elkhart Christian Academy next year.  We have applied for financial aid and will need to depend on God for the rest.  But either way, whether he is in school or at home, with God's help, he will be fine.

Say What You Mean

People with autism are very literal thinkers.  If I tell Noah that he is the apple of my eye, he envisions himself as an apple.  If I tell him his math lesson is a piece of cake, he will ask me what flavor and when did I have time to bake.  We have to be very careful when we speak to Noah because he does take everything literally.

Before we knew that he had autism, I remember Noah and I coming home from the grocery store.  My hands were full and I asked Noah to hit the garage door opener for me as we went into the house.  The next thing I knew, he was beating the c.r.a.p. out of that opener.  When I asked him why he was doing that, he said I told him to hit it. 

Another time, I was fussing at Alan and told him to stop breathing down my neck.  Noah replies that it was impossible to do that unless he was inside my mouth.  I usually use many idioms in my speech and so if I am speaking to Noah or if he is within earshot, I find myself having to explain what it is that I mean. 

Alan and I are working with Noah on how he responds when asked to do something.  Sometimes he doesn't react the way we would like which I guess is typical for any preteen.  The other day when I was repremanding him for a bad attitude, he set me straight.  I have a tendency to over exaggerate, especially when I am angry.  I told him that he is rude to me everytime I ask him to do a chore.  And truth be told, he isn't.  He did tell me that it isn't everytime.  To Noah, everytime means everytime, never means never, and all means all.  You can't exaggerate with him one bit. 

We had a couple of lessons in language arts about idioms recently.  I was thinking that he would have a hard time with it.  Once he understood what certain things meant in this complex language of ours, he could apply that to his studies.  Now, I'm guessing he won't be using them when he speaks or writes, but it's a start.