Say What You Mean

People with autism are very literal thinkers.  If I tell Noah that he is the apple of my eye, he envisions himself as an apple.  If I tell him his math lesson is a piece of cake, he will ask me what flavor and when did I have time to bake.  We have to be very careful when we speak to Noah because he does take everything literally.

Before we knew that he had autism, I remember Noah and I coming home from the grocery store.  My hands were full and I asked Noah to hit the garage door opener for me as we went into the house.  The next thing I knew, he was beating the c.r.a.p. out of that opener.  When I asked him why he was doing that, he said I told him to hit it. 

Another time, I was fussing at Alan and told him to stop breathing down my neck.  Noah replies that it was impossible to do that unless he was inside my mouth.  I usually use many idioms in my speech and so if I am speaking to Noah or if he is within earshot, I find myself having to explain what it is that I mean. 

Alan and I are working with Noah on how he responds when asked to do something.  Sometimes he doesn't react the way we would like which I guess is typical for any preteen.  The other day when I was repremanding him for a bad attitude, he set me straight.  I have a tendency to over exaggerate, especially when I am angry.  I told him that he is rude to me everytime I ask him to do a chore.  And truth be told, he isn't.  He did tell me that it isn't everytime.  To Noah, everytime means everytime, never means never, and all means all.  You can't exaggerate with him one bit. 

We had a couple of lessons in language arts about idioms recently.  I was thinking that he would have a hard time with it.  Once he understood what certain things meant in this complex language of ours, he could apply that to his studies.  Now, I'm guessing he won't be using them when he speaks or writes, but it's a start.

This and That

One thing that goes along with autism is difficulty using fine motor skills.  Noah has a hard time with buttons, tying his shoes, and for a while his handwriting looked like a doctor's.  I remember sitting down with him a few months ago and I was going to teach him how to master those shoe strings.  After about an hour of frustration from the both of us, I decided the problem was his motor skills and he just wasn't ready.  I was told by Alan that he was playing Guitar Hero on the hard level and was doing quite well at it.  For those of you that don't know, Guitar Hero is a Wii game that requires intricate finger work as well as hand eye coordination.  I guess he has the ability to tie his shoes but may be too lazy to do it.  We will see about that!!

Noah doesn't like to hang out with the rest of us for the most part when we are having family time.  He ususally is in the basement or his bedroom when we are together in the living room.  The exception is Tuesday  and Friday nights.  On Friday, we watch this show called  "What Would You Do?"  The premise of this program is catching people on camera in situations where they had a chance to speak up for someone being mistreated.  The fact that he won't miss it just facinates me.  This show is so much about social interaction and what people should and would do in these situations.  This autistic child is interested in social matters. I am hopeful and pleased with this and I wouldn't be surprised if Noah one day sticks up for someone being wronged.

He also can't miss "The Biggest Loser".  He loves it as do the rest of us.  The down side to this is that he is terrified of gaining weight.  He is very concerned with portion sizes and making sure he gets enough exersize.  I guess it's not all bad.  Last year on the show, one of the contestants made the comment that all he ate for breakfast was coffee and pasteries.  One morning when Noah wasn't eating his usual Poptart, I asked him why.  He didn't want to tell me at first but I was able to coax it out of him.  He told me that Poptarts are a toaster pastery and he didn't want to get like that guy on  The Biggest Loser.  Oh brother.

He is Listening

Sorry it has been a while since my last post but I'd have to say we are in one of those valleys that the Bible talks about.  The good thing is that my Father God is right here with us and He will guide us through this situation.  I didn't really understand how it was possible to give thanks during trials but now I am beginning to get it.  I have never had to depend on God more in my life and I can sure be thankful that He is here, He provides, and He is my very best friend. 

On to Noah:)  I had been concerned about the way he had been answering me when I asked him a question or told him to do something.  His tone was a little on the rude side and I didn't think that was the proper way he should speak to his mother.  I talked to Alan about it and he said he would take care of it.  During our family devotion time last night, Alan addressed Noah about the way he had been talking to me.  Noah did not take responsibility for his actions and refused to admit he did anything wrong.  In fact, he blamed me.  Alan explained what we expected from him and what God expects from him.  I assummed it didn't have any effect on him since he didn't believe he did anything wrong. 

Now this morning, I had a very polite young man.  He didn't say anything to me about what had happened the previous day, but his attutude and tone had changed.  They say that autisic children can't empathise with other peoples feelings.  I can't speak for everyone, but that isn't necessarily true for Noah.  He knows when he hurts my feelings and He knows when I am not happy with his behavior.  He tries really hard to please me.  Now if autism causes someone to just be concerned with himself, Noah doesn't always fit the bill.  I think maybe that might be the Spirit of God slipping through the disability that plagues him.

As I watched Noah the other night at church, I once again began to feel sorry for myself.  They have care groups that consist of 10-12 boys that meet together.  Noah's care group was in the commons and all of the boys were being boys, goofing off and what not.  But not Noah.  He stood on the outskirts of the group but didn't engage.  You could tell he wanted to be a part of it but he could not or would not.  Sometimes I wish he didn't have autism.  But I will count my blessing that he is healthy, there are 2 people in our church family that are waiting for organ transplants. 

I don't think that God expects my husband and I to raise Noah by ourselves.  He expects us to lean on Him.  And lean on Him is what we are going to do. 

That Was a Waste of Money

Noah sure does some interesting things to pass the time.  Every day after school, he goes into our basement and does his ritual laps. These laps consist of him singing at the top of his lungs(usually getting the words of the song wrong), shaking a piece of a broken toy that makes a very irritating snapping sound, and walking around the perimeter of our lower level.  When I asked him why he does this, he said that he needed the exersise. He used to lap our kitchen table and when questioned about that, he returned that this helps him to think.  I sometimes wonder what is going on in that head of his.  I'm pretty sure most people would think his behavior quite odd.  But that's Noah, and we are very used to the peculiar things that he does on a daily basis.

Tonight he is going over to a friend's house.  They are going to hang out, not play.  According to Noah, 12 year olds don't play.  Friendships do not come easy to Noah.  He wants friends, he just doesn't know how to make them.  I thank God each and everyday for the 2 boys at church that try to include Noah in their activities.  I don't know where I would be without these boys and their parents who have encouraged them to befriend Noah.  I know he will never be mister popularity or even liked for that matter but I just pray that God would provide him with one or two good friends. 

It's heartbreaking for a mother to see her child struggle with peers.  Most of the time Noah thinks kids don't like him.  We try to explain to him that isn't true.  We try to encourage him to engage in the activities of the boys but we understand how very hard it is for him.  Noah always waits for someone to invite him in, and unfortunately in this age group, it doesn't always happen.  I know with prayer and practice, Noah will be able to develop some meaningful friendships.

I enrolled him in a social skills class for autistic children a while back.  After the first session I asked him if he had fun.  He replied, "Ahhhh.....NO!"  I asked him if he made any friends and to that he said," I don't need any."  When the class was complete, he got in the car and sincerely said, "I don't mean to be ungrateful, but that class was a waste of money.  I didn't learn anything."  So we have some work to do yet on his social skills and friendship making ability. 

He Cannot Tell A Lie

After living in our current home for 9 years, we have put it on the market For Sale By Owner.  Bittersweet really, because we had it built and it was my dream home.  Just goes to show you not to get attached to the world or the stuff in it.  This is only a temporary dwelling place.  My home is with my Father in Heaven. 

With that being said, Noah does not like change in any way, shape, or form.  Everything in his world is the same.  What he eats, what he wears, the order in how he does, well......everything.  A change can really throw Noah into a tizzy so I try my best to keep everything very structured for him. 

I can appreciate how God honors child like faith.  Children don't have doubts, children don't overthink things, children believe that their prayers will be heard and answered.  With this in mind, I asked Noah to pray about the sale of our home.  In today's market, only God himself can sell a house.  Noah told me point blank that he will pray that our house doesn't sell.  He doesn't want to move.  He likes our current home.  I tried to explain that this is the best for our family in our present financial situation but I don't think Noah is buying it.

We have found a home that we would like to buy.  It is an older home but very well maintained.  It has an extra bedroom so that we could begin to pray about foster parenting, something that has been on my heart for a while.  We went to see it again the other night and the realtor asked how we liked it.  Alan, Baylee and I were all pleased with what we saw.  But Noah sat on the couch and stated his dislike of the home to the realtor.  I explained to her that he doesn't like change.

Noah also really can't lie.  Now most of you would think that would be a mother's dream.  The only time that I have difficulty is when the truth hurts someones feelings.  I am not condoning lying in any way but if you don't want to hear the truth about maybe, say your weight, please don't ask my son.

The reason that he doesn't lie is because it is against the rules to lie.  Noah is a rule follower.  No if's ands, or buts.  If there is a rule about something, he is going to follow it.  For Christmas,we got him this magnetic ball that he had wanted.  I noticed that a week went by and he hadn't picked it up.  When I asked him about it, he said the appropriate age was 12 and up.  He would be turning 12 in about a week so he would just assume wait.

We were at The Outback Steakhouse a while back and Noah wouldn't order off of the kids menu because it said 10 and under and he was 11.  Now Noah has a very limited diet and I knew that he didn't like anything on the regular menu.  I told him it was ok to order off of the kids menu.  He actually started crying and told us that if he did so that we would be kicked out of the restaurant.  I got the waitress to give him the ok and then he was able to order the chicken strips he desired.  I guess she has higher authority than me as far as The Outback is concerned. 

Doesn't this look like Texas

When a person has autism, his brain isn't wired the same as someone who doesn't have it.  The part that controls the function of  social ability is lacking while other parts are extraordinary.  Noah has an unbelievable memory.  When he was younger, he would study calendars and dates.  You could ask him what day of the week March 23rd, 1995 was on and in a few seconds, he could tell you.  8 times out of 10 he would be correct with whatever date we would give him.  Anytime I need to remember something, especially a date, I ask Noah because that part of his brain goes above and beyond. 

People with autism also usually fixate on one thing that they are interested in and they learn everything there is to know about that subject.  A while back, he was very interested in information on television programming.  He would memorize the information from the on-screen guide on the TV.  He would know when a program was on, what channel, the rating, the title of the individual episode, and the date it premiered.

Now his thing is everything gaming.  He does hours of research on game systems, games, peoples reviews of games, everything.  If he would study his history lesson the way he studies video games, I would be one happy lady. 

When we are talking as a family, Noah does participate in the conversation although usually not on topic.  We were dicussing a book that Alan, Baylee and I had read and we were talking how God is impacted by our prayers.  Noah chimes in with something about a game review he read.  So he is trying to take part. 

Something funny from yesterday:  Noah was on the computer doing his endless research on the latest gaming issues and Alan and I were watching the Bears game.  The computer is in a different room than the TV.  I asked Alan what was the average age of an NFL player.  About 5 minutes later, Noah yells from another room 28.  We didn't know what he was talking about so we asked and he said that was the average age.  He googled it for me:) 

My dear friend had made him a giant cookie for his birthday.  As he was eating the last of it he came running in the living room and said, "Doesn't this look like Texas?"  We agreed that it did.  Then he asks, "Well should I eat it?"  Silly Noah

Noah and the Elderly Gentleman

Last night was ECA's homecoming and the place was absolutely packed.  Every seat in the house was taken.  Baylee, a cheerleader, had a big halftime dance to perform and I was anxiously awaiting seeing her being tossed up in the air and caught.  So here we are, sitting in the bleachers, and Alan was between Noah and I.  Noah had his IPOD touch with him so he could keep himself occupied for the 4 hours we were there. 
I noticed an elderly gentleman, probably somebody's grandpa, take the seat next to Noah.  Right next to Noah.  I didn't really pay much attention to what was going on because the game was pretty exciting and I was watching Baylee as well.  When I glanced over a few minutes later, this man was trying to talk to Noah and he had his hand on Noah's leg.  Alarm's went off because I knew that Noah was very uncomfortable with this senario.  His body was contorted in my direction as if that man was like scalding water. 
Noah can't say hello to someone he doesn't know, much less strike up a conversation with them.  Autism is a social disorder.  And I don't even want to talk about touch.  Noah needs his personal space.  There are a few people that he will let hug him and and that includes us and other family members.  I'm pretty sure that Noah was about ready to lose it when his leg was invaded. 
I was thinking to myself that this man probably thought that Noah was being rude.  I contemplated explaining the situation to him but with the noise level in the gym, I didn't bother.  I can't always explain to others why Noah is the way he is.  I do, however, need to teach my son to respond to people the best he can.
I do want to say this.  Noah isn't shy.  Anyone who knows him gets that.  And it does drive me insane when people try to talk to him and he doesn't respond in the manner they think he should, we get,"Aww, he's shy."  No, he has autism.  He doesn't do it on purpose.  To say hello to someone and to actually look them in the eye while doing so is actually torture for him.  He want's to engage in conversation, he just has to get over that initial fear.
We are taking baby steps in Noah's conversation skills.  We might make a goal for him to say hello when someone says hello.  Sometimes we ask him to say hello first.  This will be a lifelong struggle for him but I have all the confidence in my God that Noah will prevail.